Day 13

Hey Everyone,

Sorry for taking a day to myself, it was nice to spend time with the family. The weather was beautiful and we took advantage of it. I did spend time doing my treatments even though I switched up my schedule a bit, but they got done! Yesterday, another local CFer had a fundraising event to raise money toward the cost of a new set of lungs. I am so happy my Mom took the initiative and ordered from Chic-fil-A to help him out. I couldn't help but wonder when my time comes, will I have that kind of support. Then I thought, I didn't let all my friends and family know about his fundraiser like I should have. So my apologies, lesson learned! However, this blog really helps me work some of these things out.
One of my biggest struggles is having CF. I deal with CF on a personal level just fine, but it is letting others know I am vulnerable that is the hard part. I have worked so hard to prove to others that I am not sick or weak, sometimes I don't allow myself to be. It is a flaw at times, because I can really drive myself into the ground and one day I probably will pay for it. Again, I am trying to learn these things about myself, but who likes admitting their problems or weaknesses? Especially when one of your weaknesses can make someone view you a little different.
This was especially true when I was in out in the world more. Now that I am a stay at home mom, Taylor just accepts whatever and loves me. However, when I was working and in college things were a little different. Anyone who knows me can tell you I like to have fun. I can take things pretty light-heartedly and laugh at myself, but I can recall two times where my feelings were really hurt and my CF made me keenly aware I was a little different and that was difficult to swallow. 
One time when I was flying a lady was not pleased to be sitting next to me. I was in the middle seat and of course had my normal cough. When I get a little warm my coughing always gets worse and then put some nerves with it and I am setting myself up for a coughing fit. This lady made it obvious she was disgusted by my coughing and inched herself away from me. Well... whatever, right?
She then turned her body away from me and made some comment under her breath...I still tried to ignore her.
As you can imagine, bacteria doesn't smell nice. Whenever I start to have an infection, you can typically smell it in my cough. Well, this lady began commenting on the smell. I was mortified! After she attempted to move, but the plane was full, I explained to her I had CF and apologized. I told her she wouldn't "catch" my "disease" and that the smell was my cough. I really want to curl up in a ball and cry. I know it was her ignorance and her problem if it bothered her, but it was hard to accept.
The next one, isn't so much of a one time thing, actually it used to happen a lot. I would have strangers offer to cook me a meal. Yep, I have had absolute strangers so concerned that I was starving they would worry that I needed to eat. I would always think, "Would they walk up to an overweight person and tell them they needed to skip a meal?" Of course not, that would be rude! But to say something to a skinny person is acceptable?
These things are pretty minor, but if people knew these were some of my insecurities, certainly they wouldn't say these things, right? Which makes me reflect, do I point out things that others struggle with? This is just a realization that sometimes I am sensitive, and sometimes I need to be more sensitive to others. I don't know their story, their insecurities, their disabilities, or their challenges. I may jump the gun to judge or comment, but expect others to be compassionate and patient. I guess this is another lesson to learn and the day I stop learning these lessons is the day I die. I hope I get to learn many, many more and maybe change myself and those around me.
Hope ya'll have a good night, and are more cautious what you say and think when something bothers you. Maybe there is more to it!

Oh, and Happy Birthday to one of my best friends and cousins. I love you, Megan Elizabeth!!